Aniki's Diary
by Eruda
Summary: Diary found on the grounds of the Uchiha compound in Konoha, after the massacre.


Aniki's Diary

Snippets of journal entries by Itachi leading up to the massacre, mentioning possible reasons for it.

1.

I am tired. Father does not let me rest. If I rest, I will become lazy and never become an Anbu. Nevermind that I can already fight and defeat Shisui, who is well within Anbu level. I have been at the lake training since I returned home this afternoon from my mission, and when I got home, everyone was asleep. They neglected to leave food out for me. They also locked the gate. I had to climb over the garden wall to get in.

But he was awake.

Sasuke waited for me. His room and mine are next to each other, and there is a sliding door between. He opened it when I came in. I could see him in the faint light of the waxing moon, kneeling at the door in his pajamas.

"Where were you, Aniki?"

"The lake. Go to sleep."

"Will you help me with shuriken training tomorrow?"

He's not expected to train as much. Mother and Father don't let him. They call him home at dinnertime, and make him go to bed at a normal hour. But he begs for help in training anyway. He has potential. But he never has to tap it. He's not expected to be in Anbu until he's at least sixteen.

I'm jealous.

"Yes, now go to sleep."

"You said that last night and you told me you were busy today."

What could I do, when they called me to a mission at the last minute? We don't often get warning. There's a war going on, though none of the children or civilians know about it. It's not my fault that I'm often expected to be within the front lines.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke. If I don't have a mission, I'll help you."

He's appeased. "Good night, Aniki." The sliding door closes.

I'm tired. I'm jealous. I want to spend my days training, without the pressure of being forced to succeed. I want to spend a relaxing day on the lake, watching the birds and maybe going for a swim. I want to help my brother with his shuriken training.

All I want is rest.

2.

There is a mission tomorrow. It's an important one. It'll mean my entry into Anbu.

I should be excited. So very few shinobi ever get a chance like this. But I'm not. I want to go to the academy. Tomorrow is Sasuke's first day.

Father forgot about him. He was planning to go with me. I don't need his help. I can do this on my own. I don't need his supervision, either. He tags along on such things just to watch me, to be entertained. As if I'm some sort of trick dog that he can show off to the other shinobi and be praised for.

Everything I've done, I've worked hard to do, alone. Sasuke could do the same thing. He's just not being forced to. Father isn't living vicariously through him. He's not considered the prodigy.

I'm angry. A little sad, and very proud of Sasuke, but angry.

3.

I had a dream last night.

I was captured. I was bound inside of a cave. Try as I might, I could not work my hands free.

A snake came out of the darkness.

"You hate your father."

What did it mean?

"You resent being treated this way."

I never said I enjoyed it, but.. I had no choice.

"You love your brother."

Of course I do. He's my little brother. How can you not love your siblings?

"You love your little brother. You're jealous of him and wish to be in his place, but you love him all the same."

I do, but I don't. I just wish we were equals. I wish I had a little bit of his freedom. I wish he had a little bit of Father's affection.

"You hate your family. You hate the Uchihas. You hate the village for feeding their abuse of you."

No, Konoha is my home. I can never hate it.

"I will set you free. I will give you power. You will seek me soon. You will know me when you find me."

Then it slithered off into the shadows. I don't understand what it meant. But that dream will not stop haunting me. I've avoided Sasuke and Father all day because of it.

What does it mean?

4.

Mother and I had a talk today.

Our talks are rare. They were even rare when I was little. Before I joined the academy, before I learned to use the Sharingan, just after Sasuke was born, we would talk sometimes. I would do the dishes or laundry for her while she fed him. Then Father decided I was a prodigy, and Sasuke got older and became a handful, and we didn't talk anymore.

"I'm so proud of you, Itachi. You've grown up so well."

Mother loves her garden so much. When she moved to the Uchiha compound to marry Father, she brought fruit, and planted all the seeds. There are fruit trees all over the compound now. The prettiest are in our garden, where she can take care of them. She doesn't often leave the house. As the spring wind blew, she stood next to a rose of sharon bush, pruning off the branches that had died.

"Mother.. do you think Father would be angry if I took some time off from Anbu, from everything, and went for a vacation somewhere?"

She looked up from her delicate work, and bit her lip. Finally, she sighed and walked to the veranda I was seated on. She sat down next to me, folding her hands in her lap over the scissors. "I wouldn't be opposed to it.. but.. I don't know what your father would think. I'm sorry."

I looked at my lap, my callused hands twisting themselves. Suddenly, I felt exhausted. "I'm tired, Mother."

She reached her arm around my shoulder and pulled me down, laying my head in her lap. I recognized it. Mother used to do this sometimes when I was little and tired or sad. She does the same thing with Sasuke. She lay a cool hand over my face, and I closed my eyes. We were quiet like that for a while. I fleetingly wondered what Father would say if he were here. Sasuke would probably rest his head on her shoulder. Or beg me to help him learn a new jutsu.

"Your father is very proud of you, Itachi. He's just trying to do what's best for you, and help you to be successful in life."

The mention of my father made me angry. My hands curled into fists. "Why does he ignore Sasuke? Why does he push me so hard?"

Mother sighed heavily. I wondered if she knew she'd made me angry by mentioning that man. "Your father wants you to be the strongest. He has high hopes for you. But he has high hopes for Sasuke, too. He's hoping that desire to be like you will push Sasuke to be just as strong."

"What, does he think I'll be the next Hokage? Is he so presumptuous as to believe that we're so powerful, we should not only own a quarter of the village, but run it too?"

Mother didn't answer. But I knew I was right. I was so angry that I pushed myself away from her, got up, and left. I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in the forest training.

5.

Father wants me to be the strongest in the village.

Stronger than the Hokage. Stronger than Father. Stronger than all of Anbu.

What's that saying Mother used to use when we were young? "Be careful what you wish for.."

I found scrolls on the Sharingan, hidden inside the family's shrine.

I will become stronger. Then he'll leave me alone and pay attention to Sasuke. Or I'll leave and take Sasuke with me. He could be stronger than Father too.

The moon is slowly moving closer to full..

6.

I feel terrible.

Elated, and a bit giddy, but terrible.

This feeling will fade with time. So will this horrible headache behind my eyes.

I do regret missing the meeting, a little. But this was more important. They'll understand soon.

I'm sorry, Shisui. I hear that Heaven is a relaxing place. Thank you for making me stronger.

7.

They suspect.

Father is angry at me for missing the meeting. He sent a team to the house to investigate me. Or they came alone. It does not matter.

This clan limits me. Everything here limits me. Everyone has so much potential that they are unwilling to tap. But I have the greatest of all.

I'm tired. Sasuke is afraid of me. I'm sorry, Sasuke. I didn't mean to frighten you. Let's go train in the forest again when this is over. I'll teach you a new jutsu that I learned. You'll amaze everyone in school. I'm sure they already love you. I hope they love you for who you are.

8.

My headache has subsided. Sasuke is at shuriken training. I had hoped Mother would be visiting friends, but she's not.

The moon is full.

9.

Foolish little brother.

Realize your potential, and find me.

Maybe someday you can even kill me.

I'll be waiting. 


End file.
